pink.saint's territory

2007-10-13T19:26:00.000+08:00

SHIFTED

well i cant guarantee it will be updated often as well.. and it will be mostly friends-only. =)

2007-09-27T22:23:00.000+08:00

its not ok.. and im not alright...

im hurt. hurt way beyond words. i need u back. but its futile.. everything in this life means nth to me anymore.

its just emptiness now. and loneliness. never will i be truly happy again.

and i guess... u dun care. anyway.

2007-08-12T01:44:00.000+08:00

sitting here staring at the com at this late hour. talking to my friends, i think abt the stuff i went through. i noe i shldnt get treated like this.. but yet.. i hope it wouldnt happen again.. hais. perhaps... the next time... there wont be this again..

of cos.. i haven gotten any studying done... =( im gonna fail. i so need my motivation back. and i hope my brain can pull thru all that last min studying like it has always been and we'll be alright eh brain. guess sitting in front of the com too much watching potter puppet friends gets me talking to my brain. cos that is really a damn lame series. hahas. got it off timothy joshua's blog. cheers boy. needed a laugh from the stress. lol...

and i miss baby alot.. cos he's out at a chalet and we spend the day at his house this morning. but still miss him alot alot right now. roars.

2007-08-11T00:19:00.000+08:00

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF)

You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.

You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.

You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.

In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.

At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.

With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.

As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.

On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Your Ideal Hairstyle:

Layered Bob

What Women's Hairstyle Is Right For You?

see see baby. LAYERED BOB. lol. that means short hair. hahas.

Your Lucky Underwear is Blue

You are caring and extroverted. You've made relationships your number one focus, and your lucky blue underwear can bring some balance to them.
You thrive in one-on-one situations. You are a good listener and a natural born therapist.

Sometimes you let the concerns of others become too important in your life, leading to stress and worry.
If you want more balance, put on your blue underpants. They'll help you take care of yourself first.

What Color Is Your Lucky Underwear?

"You've made relationships your number one focus"--> this is so god damn true.

2007-08-11T00:09:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: June 21

You're a restless rebel with an unpredictable nature.
Bright but unbridled, you tend to seek out wild experiences over new ideas.
People are frustrated by your great potential, but you love your unconventional life.
You're a heartbreaker. People get attached to you, and then you're gone.

Your strength: Your thirst for adventure

Your weakness: Not taking time for slow pleasures

Your power color: Hot pink

Your power symbol: Figure eight

Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

lol see.. my power colour is so hot pink. hahas.. well im definitely not a heartbreaker. cos them guys are the ones who always break my heart. so yeap. lol. and i noe that some ppl thinks that me and him are going thru some turmoil. true. but we are so much in love yet again. i love u baby!!! and im gonna do whatever u asked me too.. cos i love u.

here's a meaningful song for u baby to tell u how i feel:

it's from the step up soundtrack, for the love by drew sidora feat mario.

[drew:]
Every time I think about those times I did not have you
Everytime I think about how my life was incomplete
Every day I struggle to breath to laugh, my heart skipped a beat
From now on, you're the only thing I see

My best and my worst to you it don't matter
You can see through my flaws and keep lovin
Me, me, me
Each day we spend together gets better
With you I can do anything
And I share it with you....

From now on, everything that I have is yours
For the love of you
From now on everything that you need is yours
For the love of you

[mario:]
Do you remember the night we stood out in the rain
Soaking wet those 3 words I could not say
I love you
Now there's three things I need to do
I'll lay you down then lead you
Tomorrow take you through all night long
It's only you I give my heart to
Now baby i can say these words

[drew:]
I want you, I miss you, I need you
It's only you I give my heart to
So kiss me on my lips, boy I love you
You open my heart now it's yours
Anything you want and more
Let me know, let me know
Everything that I have is yours
This is what I'm saying
For the love of you
From now on
Everything that you need is yours
For the love of you

[mario:]
For the love of you, girl

oooooh
You know you've got me girl
You know you've got me baby
Yes I love you babe
Got nothing but because
Boy, you got me crazy
Never let you down
We've got nothing to lose, baby
oooh

I'll be knocking at your door
I'll be ringing at your door
From now on
Everything that I have is yours
For the love of you
From now on
Everything that you need is yours
For the love of you

Yeah, just me and you baby, from now on
Anything you ever need, you ever want
Consider it done
Cause I love you

and i love u so damn much dearie.

2007-08-07T15:05:00.000+08:00

FINALLY! all the dumb projects are finally over and damn i am glad... stayed over so many nights last week, ending with a final one on sunday night at forum's mac to make sure nobody slept. and all of us worked hard didnt we, my darlings from geek convention. lol. it was hard work. but we managed to survive. =)

im feeling awfully odd now. without seeing the girls today and not doing work at all. ah but well still got spec dip to do. sianx. and exams are coming up next week so i got to study. and i have no motivation. not yet anyway... i need to rest and i need to play a little.. or else i'll become all workaholic. and i'll go crazy that way. hahas...

well i bet the girls are still aslp. cos none of them online and nobody has blogged. hahas. other than jolian awake to study for her gems test tmr. hahas.

alright i gtg do dumb spec dip. rar.

ps. love dear so much. did so much surprises for me as i stayed up late into the night to do my work. dear u rock!

2007-08-02T20:56:00.000+08:00

mmr's so finally over. the geek convention chionged last night at sue's place. not a very productive night but i guess everyone was tired. all in all, at least we manage to complete the report. like finally. and a day earlier too. damn glad. well still have dma and freaking fw to finish up on before going into exams. i feel so dead.. so exhausted..

had fun ydae. kinda. netty took unglam pictures of us sleeping and even made a video. how mean right. she better not put it into youtube. or gc is so gonna kill her...

baby's current working real hard at this bar at the red dot museum, named Boulevard i think. it's tough to work and study and have a gf at the same time, so im gonna be a real nicey thingie to baby, and not give him any trouble. i got to be real understanding at the same time. meanwhile i just got to get my own entertainment. =)

i love baby. and i love my girls. geek convention rocks.

2007-07-31T01:01:00.000+08:00

here we are right now. the geek convention's convention. lol. mmr project stayover at my hse right now. and dear. dear is really, the greatest dear in the world. there i was. foolishly taken in when he said he wanted to update his address book and so i gave him my address. and he kept asking me if i had enough money. i wondered.

and there i was. playing crazy taxi half hr later. and a mac delivery man shows up in front of my door step. and i thought he send it to the wrong place. then the receipt spelled his name wrongly, but there it was, the phone number. baby's phone number. im like so touched. there was like my favs inside. mcflurry, mcspicy, ~~many cups of coke~~ + one cup of milo(love this loads, i just found out cos it's all in the same kind of container), and nuggets. like was meant for all of us to share lahs. dear's sweetest. he treated us all. LOL. loves baby. lotsa lotsa loves. =)

2007-07-25T21:49:00.000+08:00

im seriously in love with u baby
u are the sweetest in this whole wide world, and the only one for me.

here i am stressed over ocean's thirteen and darling, being the sweetest in the world, went downstairs to get dessert for me. this is a very rare scenario, and baby u're the best. he's gonna get me some sundae and bird nest's drink, cos im craving for it. lol. pampered i noe. hahas but i really appreciate dear doing this for me cos he's not one who would do this kind of thg, like im always the one going downstairs to get food.

just wanna really say, thanks dear, if u ever see this. =) love u loads.

2007-07-22T23:00:00.000+08:00

(10:47 PM)emotional diva.:	why are you all always doimg homework & chatting at the same tip. there's no concentration therefore Yu feng results is very much affected
(10:50 PM) R A C H I E:	?
(10:56 PM)emotional diva.:	erms ooops sorry!
(10:56 PM)emotional diva.:	my mom was using my com and she actually did this
(10:56 PM)emotional diva.:	im mso sorry!
(10:57 PM)emotional diva.:	omg i cant believe it.

i seriously cant believe my mom actually did this. i mean. wtf. it's a total invade of my privacy and she was onli just helping me set up my printer on my new lappy. wtf ok! im really fcking damn damn pissed. and just just now me, netty, eil and sue were discussing abt my mom and i was already disappointed in the kind of mother i have and now she come and do this kind of crap to me. wtf. poor rachie ok. she got scolded just because she was lucky to have just signed in at that moment and got clicked by my mom. i cant stand it. im so gonna leave home one day. all this is just making me avoid and hate this empty piece of shelter over my head. and i so pity my siblings, because the poor souls have so many years more to go before they gain independence. when i turn 21 im gonna get my sis outta here. wad ever happened to this life that i own and under this name of tan yu feng. i feel owned by mom cause how i use my com is even controlled by her. like how she nagged just now when my mouse wire and my nokia usb wire was on top of each other. and she claimed she was teaching me the "right way". i guess it's more of "her way". and old fashioned ok! she saw my wallpaper of me and baby kissing and she actually said how can u young ppl do this sort of thing and demanded to talk to his mom and wants his address. i mean like over this small thing ok. not like we had sex or did anything wrong. omg im so freaking pissed and to those who's reading this. im sorry for the long post.

i wan a freaking change of mom.

2007-07-16T00:58:00.000+08:00

hey!! blogging my first entry on my new laptop. yeap got it just today! hahas. but i feel sad. cos i feel like i just wasted money if i dun put it into much use. so im gonna use it real often!

mmr presentation tmr. scary! hope we'll do fine!

and the oops launch party was pretty boring. too much singing etc. ppl arent interested in that kind anymore. and thomson learning centre vouchers? wad's that man? see what i mean. but esther was way hot that night. check out sue's blog soon for picts. i hope she puts em on. but i had fun with the girls. and had to pay a price for it. but darling i promise i wont do it again k. =) love ya loads.

gonnna watch my baby play bball tmr. sports fiesta's here. -.- and i hate to say this but it seems really sucky. so yeah. boo. dowan say too much of it.

guess u'll be seeing more of me now that ive got my personal comp. so much easier to blog and everything. slp now. meeting the girls at 10. boo!

2007-07-04T22:19:00.000+08:00

mmr diet! hahas. it's coming well... lol with all that moral support and motivation i have managed to pull off 3 days of dieting. lol. though there isnt a significant drop to my weight or tummy yet but im sure it'll be soon. =) onli drank milo for breakfast and a piece of garlic bread for lunch. and granted, i was hungry, but the hunger soon went away. really proud of myself. =) and i didnt have dinner at all... hahas.

anyway im all glad that things worked out fine with both of us. =)

went out with netty and sue to town to do our surveys today. and we bought shirts from boss-sini. lol. they were kids shirts and were really cute. luckily they have it in our size. mine said, "im hot. *hot dog*, net's was "im cool. *ice cream*" and sue's "im fluffy. *cotton candy*". hahas. we're gonna wear it next tuesday! so watch out for us. =)

2007-07-03T23:38:00.000+08:00

empty.

void.

lonely.

these i feel when u're not around me. i really miss u so. and i love u terribly. im trying my best to be the best i can become. really. u're the only one that belongs here, no one else. hope i am to u to.

jiayou on ur projects! love ya.

2007-07-03T02:12:00.000+08:00

came back from thailand today.. not a bad shopping spree... and events happened today...

well i just happened to look back and your blog... and im really guilty for keep persuading u to let me go clubbing. i'll really try to curb my cravings k. and i'll try not to go anymore at all. but sometimes for social events can.. and i promise to go on a diet. hee!

i miss u. i need to stay by you.

2007-06-29T13:45:00.000+08:00

when you're gone by avril. it just says so much. about me and how im feeling.

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
they lie on my floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

2007-06-29T11:16:00.000+08:00

so many things to say but yet so little words, so hard to express whatever's in me now.

i've chosen this path and yet i dunno if im doin the right thing. perhaps i shld just let him go and have his own happiness without me. but yet, it's so heart-wrenching to let go. and yet, this path i've chosen is equally heart-wrenching. though i've said i dont mind, i do. hell lot of it. my heart ached like mad for the whole day yesterday, and it hurts every second every day. thinking of this situation im in now. thinking of u...going out... tears warning to spill any second if i dun try hard enough to control. and finally it all came out at night. but somehow, it isnt gonna end just there. it's gonna last till the day i finally accept things the way they are and get used to it, or mayb, learn to love myself more.

i love u once, i love u twice, i love u many times more than u can ever imagine. more than this journey. and yet... this love u have for me is now splitted, shared, equal? i dun think so. i dun dare to ask questions for fear i may not be able to take the answers that come. i dunno what im doin. im so miserable. yet, i cant imagine how life would be without u. i cant let go. and that's why it hurts. like every second the knife in my heart just turns a little, the blood dripping internally. so much pain, so much love. all at one time. im so afraid. afraid of what might come.

im sick of this life i lead. i feel so much like turning time back. sadly, there's no such thing in the world. i told someone ydae, that i feel like just dying and reborn into something else and make my life better. but yet, i lack that courage, and i'll never die because i know, i still have u. or at least, a part of u.

2007-06-06T02:36:00.001+08:00

to u:
im sorry for all the harsh things i said to u today.
im sorry for pushin u.. i know u hate it.
im sorry for beating u today as well.
im sorry for the argument and the cause of it. i shouldnt have been like that.
im sorry... just wanna say u're still the most important thing in my life. regardless of what i said, i'll wait. i'll wait till the day u forgive me.

to my girls:
u guys rock my life, filling it up with the loves. i never felt more belonged than ever. we really bonded alot during mmr discussions and all, and im glad about it. one day when we graduate im gonna cry like nuts. and i'll look back someday glad that i have u all, and i'll never forget the funniest things we did, camwhoring together in the toilet ever since year 1, and just laughing at the thick skiness we all have, and the jokes of jannah. and not forgetting the brilliant antics of fishball falling down the stairs etc etc. so much to say, so little time left. loves to u guys.

to my public enemy... soon:
just wait and see. shld u dare try to do anything funny to hurt me and my girls, im so gonna make sure life have never been worst to u. u'll wish that u never bitched. nuff said.

shld change to lifejournal soon... then i can 'friends only' entries and i can bitch about anyone i want. *evil laughs* not that im evil anyway. lol.

it's all just a mask... im still the emo diva.

2007-06-01T01:05:00.000+08:00

june's here! and my birthday' coming. hello readers! my birthday's coming so i guess that'll leave u guys another 20 days to save for my present. =) yeap my birthday's on the 21st of june.. please please dun forget alright... and my wishlist as below:

* i really need a jacket for the cold lecture theatres.
* clothes anyone? and pumps too..
* i really want a new hp though... but i guess u need more than 20 days for that.

im a really simple girl actually... i dun have specific stuff that i wan... proud of myself already. hahas. and justin... u should noe what to do eh.. since u asked(for me to update. hahas.)...

and mmr's really fun! i mean the subject's really cool and it's like the one thing i can grasp in the whole sem... hahas. i think our group is really cool when everyone else in class is like "oh god mmr is killing me" in their blogs and we're like having loads of fun during meetings and stuff. but of cos we get things done. hahas. and we always call it the mmr outings. hahas.

and i think kavee's bad is pretty cool, their originals and all. went to catch em that day at cineleisure with ms kwa and eil and jannah and netty. how cool was that. and we had a car wash in ms kwa's car. she was all excited and all like some child getting her first bike. hahas. her face was in ecstasy.. and i think only i caught that look while in the car. very honoured ms kwa! hahas.

and of cos, i still love gawain. like always and always will. =)

alot of things have changed... and so have i. but whatever it is, one thing will remain. my love for u... =)

chris daughtry's voice is so soothing eh. go check out their songs, like home and over you. im so addicted to over you that the song is playing over and over in my head every single day. im going crazy! hahas. all thanks to ms kwa and her really awesome car sound system that makes the song so much more emo. hahas.

well i just realised that it's one in the morning already. hahas. got law tmr and i haven do tutorial for tmr. stress of a schoolgirl who's part time diva. lol.

anyway im gonna be away to china from 10 to 20 jun(which is before my bdae) so those who wan mi to get stuff for them better email me before i leave. and of cos u'll pay for ur own stuff. hahas. =)

i love u guys out there...

2007-04-29T17:28:00.000+08:00

Should i stay - Dreamz Fm

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you’d been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel’s heart

The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin’ proof of what love is about

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Eventhough I’m down

My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You’re still in my thoughts

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

Oooohh…should I stay?
Should I go?

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I wanna know
Should I stay or should I…?

This time its done
It’ll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it’s sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesn’t matter somehow
But you were livin’ proof of what love is about…

2007-04-29T14:15:00.000+08:00

hey.. long time never update le... and requests from odin wong and children from gawain, i shall update. lol.

was thinking alot last night i guess. went for family outing with gawain and extended family. like my parents-in-law etc. lol. and i felt really emo. being a rock i nvr really exactly felt belonged and felt loved in union... and then i was given a chance to be a gl, to start my own family and be a mother and wife. never in my life would i go through this experience again. i really wanna thank those who have given me this chance, the seniors, zeus and hera, my fellow gls who have encouraged me along the way when it was difficult. thank u all, for this wonderful experince. oh im getting all emo again... i miss zeus and hera, and gl training, and gl prep, and fo. i miss all these oh-so-lovely feelings... =(

family outing was great! though not all came. really appreciate those darlings who came: xavier, lina, evelyn, and even grace! lol. oh and thank u calvin son, for taking the effort to come. =) hope i can get the picts soon to upload. and husby's tagboard is getting flooded with loves from xavier and evelyn. lol. xavier's like damn cute lahs... lol. he said "Odin---The God Of War, Eos----The Goddess of Dawn together, They give birth to Gawain, The family of Superior Warriors" lol isnt that like awfully sweet. heehee. i'll never forget the day when we parted and they sang the song to us. almost cried at the otuing ydae. but i tahan. lol. so loved!!!

school's getting so boring and so stressful. dunno why. mayb i had too much fun at camps that's why. i really shld consider working as a camp instructor like them all.

2007-04-24T00:20:00.001+08:00

we ride - rihanna

[Chorus]
Ride when we ride we ride
It's til the day we die
When we ride we ride
It's til the day we die

[Verse 1]
It's real late
Bout a quater to 1
Thinkin about everythang
We become
And i hate it
I thought we could make it
But im ready to scratch this
Just wanna forget about it
I saw the pictures
And the letters she sent
U had me thinkin
U were out we your friends
Im so foolish
Hate me like im stupid
Cuz i thought it was just u and i (oh)

[Hook]
That's how i think after all the time
We spent in love
I see it in my mind
Playing over and over again
Its far and out
U got me breaking down
And i just can't figure out why
But this is what u say

[Chorus x2]

[Verse 2]
Visions in my mind
Of the day that we met
U showed me thangs
That'll never forget
Took me swimming
In the ocean
U had my head up in the clouds
Make me feel like im floating (yeah)
U think im playing
When u now its the truth
Nobody else can do it
Quite like i do
All my kisses
And my lovin
But aint nobody
Better than us

[Hook]

[Chorus x2]

[Verse 3]
I guess its over
And definitely
But u and i know
Its not that easy
To let go
Of everything (everything)
And start all over again
Just bring this up cuz u blew it
I wont forget how u do it
Sweet baby
This is where the game ends now somehow
Might not believe u and me
We can figure it out

[Chorus]

U finna make me say boy
I wish that u come hold me
When im lonely
When i need someone to talk to
U would phone me
Just like everything its on me
(when we ride we ride it's til the day we die)
Boy u forgot about the promises
U made me
And now we'll let the memories
Just fade away
But i remember
What u used to say
(when we ride we ride it's til the day we die)

[chorus x2]

We Ride

2007-04-23T23:51:00.000+08:00

big girls dont cry - fergie

Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
Your probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself instead of calamity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But Ive got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
Ill be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if u want to
Cause I want to hold yours too
Well be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But its time for me to go home
Its getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself instead of calamity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

i feel so lost. so lonely. confused about my own emotions. i shall mia. hais.

2007-04-19T22:52:00.000+08:00

hmmm. things been on the ups and downs lately. well first up. i guess we are not together anymore. not much comments to this. i think i've said enough and i felt enough. i dowan to put myself thru it again.

anyway had family outing ydae. went to play pool and had dinner at fish and co. and i just realised we didnt exactly took pictures. lol. nvm we'll have another outing soon on sat. we'll take more picts then. with grandma and grandpa wei ting and shafiq. whee... love and children and husband loads.

marcus has been really nice to me too. being here for me and all that and cheering me up. hahas. husband rocks. =)

school's really scary now. like everthg so pack. sometimes i just feel so alone suddenly. got this aching and empty feeling in my heart. hais. nvm... i'll be strong... and i'll be fine.

i still miss him sometimes. when times im not occupied. hais... dunno what i shld do now... i'll just have to keep myself busy from now onwards. like tmr's rdc... hais...

2007-04-07T15:45:00.000+08:00

so fo's over... after 5 mths of intensive training and 3day2nights of pianful gl preperation camp... we finally graduated as GLs and have our very own loving family. as the camp song linger goes, and as the years go by, i think of u and sigh. this's just goodnight and not goodbye. i will rmb always this special bond with my family, my gls, glts, and all those involved in fo. as a rock, these have all been very experiential to me. how to be a good mummy to my children, how to be a good wife to my husband, and those things that i shld and shld not do. all these i've learnt. and will apply to life...

fo has been very fruitful. really had it's ups and downs. fun times we had with my family, and painful when my children wanted to go home. my husband really tried very hard to make em stay. and they all did in the end. thanks husband. u have been a really good husband and a really good daddy... filling the bottles whole day long etc.

and of cos my children. stay strong and be united. im sure it has been a painful experience for u all but i noe u guys had fun. mommy and daddy loves u all. =)

and my fellow gls! we all did well! OLYMPIA rocks!

and thanks to all who made fo a success. and gps who bonded us gls. love u all.

and glts willl forever remain in my heart...

2007-03-27T00:22:00.001+08:00

somethings wrong with my blog.

2007-03-04T01:50:00.000+08:00

hmmm pretty much complicated things happene lately... im really very scared now. of losing him... hais down elaborate.. will do the necesary stuff to please him bahs, if i can help it.

baby's really damn sweet though. i noe he cares for mi the most and i really appreciate it. he helped mi look for my phone ydae when i lost it once again and kept consoling me. hais i guess i'll never ever find another guy like him... and his FO comm ppl are really awesome ppl too. they waited for us to go find the phone. they cldnt come along coz we had to take cab back to changi south there den there were like 6 of us. hais i really wanna thank darling... from the bottom of my heart. im now overwhelmed with emotions once again...

hope i get new phone soon... and my line back on monday. currently using the old top up card... 91965754. ciaos.

2007-02-20T19:26:00.000+08:00

and my phone died on me... borrowing a phone from my cousin only tonight. cant even sms my baby like this.

2007-02-20T18:52:00.000+08:00

cny's here. the feeling's there. but it feels as if something's lacking. an empty space that wad it is. and the space belongs to my baby. being seperated from him these few days aint nice. being sick and all i need to be there for him and watch him sleep and wait for him to wake up so that i can make some food for him in case his mom's out. but im not. whatever i wan to do is all talk. i cant do nuts unless im there with him. but damn it has to fall during cny. my mom's not gonna accept if i told her im heading out and not going visiting. many times i almost did, and then she'll bar me up at home. missing him aint doing much healing. talking to him eases up a lil but he cant really talk. and so i've been a bitch again. mainly asking if he has been thinking of mi. how bimbotic right. i noe. but that's how a girl thinks. i also wanna know how ur day has been. it's not like i was chattering on about me though. hais baby im sorry if i led u thinking that im onli concerned if u think of me. but i wanna noe everything abt u still. but it's kinda hard when i hear ur hoarse throat, hence i wanna end the convo asap. baby im sorry. it was really sweet of u to save that 30s for me to talk on the phone with ya. baby i miss u so damn much and i dont wan u crying for me anymore le. please. do u noe that it's so hard wanting to pick up the phone 20 times a day to hear ur voice, but only to rmb that u cant talk. im sorry for being a such a chatterbox. next time i'll just listen and u'll talk. hope u really understand that all i want is for u to be happy and feel loved. soon i promise, i'll see you again. baby i love you. dont let me go. please. i still wanna watch u slp and feel ur arms around mi till we grow old and our teeth grow out.

**it's just so hard being your prefect girl, and im still trying.**

you’re the one that I want, the one that i need
i’m sorry about the pain i made you feel
that wasn’t me, let me show you the way
i looked for the sun, but it’s raining today
i wore a disguise cause i didn’t want to get hurt
but i didn’t know i made everything worse
you told me we were crazy in love
but you didn’t care when push came to shove
if you loved me as much as you said you did
then you wouldn’t have hurt me like i ain’t shit
now you pushed me away like you never even knew me
i loved you with my heart, really and truly
late nights, just hoping me in your arms
at times we was off i was scared to show you
now i want you to hold until you can’t hold me
without you, everything seems strange
your name is forever planted in my brain
damn it, i’m insane,take away the pain
take away the hurt
i guess everything you said was a lie
i think about it, it brings tears to my eyes
now I’m not even a thought in your mind
i can see clearly, my love is not blind
i just wish everything could have turned out differently
i had a special feeling about you
i thought maybe you did too
our first day, it seemed so magical
we hit it off and i knew it was real
but now i can’t take all the pain that i feel
reach in your heart, i know i’m still there
i don’t wanna hear that you no longer care
i thought you’d be there for me, this i confess
you said you were be there for me, was that a lie?
now i’m nothing to you
i just thought we were meant to be
i guess now, we’ll never know
the only thing i want is for you to be happy
whether it be with me, or without me
i just want you to be happy

just some song lyrics i found across a blog. dun take everthing word for word, baby. coz u noe u were always there for me, while i aint. im a lousy girlfriend, that never fails to piss her bf off regardless of what she do.

2007-01-26T13:01:00.000+08:00

the day is long.
each day passes without u here with me.
and the tears drops.
wad should i do?
memories of everything we do flashes past now and then.
i cant help it.
i cant stop them.
everything seems to remind mi of u.
the one,
that took care of me when i was sick, putting a cold towel on my head.
the one,
that felt mi and bought me strawberry cheesecake ice cream.
the one,
that was there with me when i felt down.
and so much more that i can say.
is there any point though.
the one isnt here anymore.
he has moved on.
leaving me here behind.
and im not moving.
i cant move.
im caught in this limbo.
this unhappy world,
filled with tears and sadness.
im staying right here.
im gonna wait.

2007-01-26T01:24:00.000+08:00

Rain on me
Lord, won't you take this pain from me
I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe
Baby, just rain on me
Lord, won't you take this pain from me
I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe, no

taken from ashanti, rain on me.

nights are lonely nowadays.
forcing those thoughts of u outta my mind.
but no they are always there.
the peach tea, the seaweed, the chocolates, the LJS.
i miss u so much.
but do u know.
cried pretty much the whole day.
on the bus.
outside.
wad's going on?
i need u in my life.
and i cant do without u.
please..

2007-01-25T10:31:00.000+08:00

this fairytale that i love so much, that i want to have forever has ended. no longer will i have the opportunity to hug u tightly, to kiss u on the forehead, to love u like i should. no longer will i see u turn around from me just to make mi hug u from the back. i'll never have the chance again... never. it's so hard. so hard to let u go, the things we went through together. im wasted. the tears no longer have a final destination. they keep coming. why? why does it have to be this way!! i hate myself. i hate myself... im so stupid. i caused myself to lose the love of my life, the one i want to spend my life. now it's all gone. they're all dashed. all dashed... now i dun even have that one last chance to make it up to u. to make u love and feel loved again. it hurts so deep inside. it hurts!!!! i wanna scream and pull out all this hurt in mi. i wan to have that chance to watch u play dota instead of slp. i wan to have that chance to do the things that make u happy instead of doing things that make it happy. i wan to have that chance to not be selfish anymore. but i can no longer have that. i cant... aas i watch u close that door on me, i just wanna scream. i wanna scream and shout for ur forgiveness and take mi back. i wanna run back to hug u and hear u say that this is all a bad dream. baby... wad am i going to do? wad am i going to do from now on? happiness i can never achieve... this life. wad use is this life anymore without u? aarghh...

2007-01-15T00:56:00.001+08:00

be sorted @ nimbo.net

2007-01-14T15:22:00.003+08:00

picture! credits to dilys for being such a wonderful photogropher.

MISS PHOTOGENIC PHOTOSHOOT:

2007-01-14T15:22:00.000+08:00

so friday was finally the day and it poured like the whole River Nile was coming down on us. but i guess we all had fun... the helpers, the committee... Flaunt It! rocks! and i guess i gain alot more experience based on what happened throughout the whole journey. things arent wad they seem always.

i wanna thank all helpers who helped out that day. from all the council clubs and interest groups. though the turnout wasnt as well as we expected, i hope u all had much fun as we did organising it. i really appreciate the effort by all of u, esp the security who helped mi with the stage. we cldnt manage it without u guys.

slept alot too... bonded with timmy and the rest once again, and of coz my baby... he helped mi got thru this alot. thanks darling!

once again, SPDJ rocks. and DJ Diva(that's me) is the best.

2007-01-11T01:13:00.001+08:00

Your Lust Quotient: 30%

You are a fairly lustful person, but nothing out of the norm.
You usually keep your lust under control, but sometimes it gets the better of you.

How Much Lust Do You Have?

2007-01-08T02:33:00.000+08:00

what? FLAUNT IT! SP JAM AND HOP

when? 12 Jan 07

where? SP PLAZA

please come! free admission...

2007-01-05T11:48:00.000+08:00

it's been really slow these few days. but plenty of quality time spent with baby. i could just stare deep into his eyes forever and fall asleep slowly. really fortunate to have found baby. i realised how much he really cares for mi, for my welfare. although sometimes alot of small details he doesnt pay attention to, but recent events have shown he really does fucking care about mi alot. thank you baby.

ydae was madness. was down with a slight fever, sore throat and headaches. woke up body aching everywhere. but still went to school to help out with CCF. but i felt really off. so mr dennis permissioned mi to go hm. a lil relunctant though, seeing jannah didnt come and i couldnt possibly leave eileen there alone yahs. but i was really in a bad shape so went to grab a cab to cck. met baby there and he and kelvin were discussing some plans abt FOC. denwent to baby's hse. first thing i did was to slp of coz. felt really bad to not pei baby but just slp. but baby was so damn sweet ydae. halfway thru my sleep he came in and took some thing from his cupboard. next thing i noe i had a wet towel on my forehead. i told him i dun have fever den he took out a thermometer. lol. sometimes baby just amuses mi so so much. lol. 37.5 though. baby made mi put the towel still. he said it would make mi feel better. hahas. went back to slp again.

7.30. baby woke mi up for dinner. and i had yummy fish porridge that baby had asked his mommy to cook for mi. really appreciate it alot loh. to both baby and his mommy. like she took the effort to make porridge just for mi. she really super super nice. well then watched tv and see baby play dota. hahas. and finally, home. =)

hmmm. made a discovery today. apparently he has a blog and i read abt stuff. he hasnt been really happy. i feel sad though. like i did it to him... hais... feel that he shld get on with life. no point waiting for mi coz im nvr gonna go back to him. he's nth more than a fren to mi now. hope he'll get the msg one day.

anway, i love my baby loads. woots. my baby freaking rock my life.

2007-01-01T00:11:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!

2007-01-01T00:01:00.000+08:00

ok peeps. this is an ANNOUNCEMENT.

i lost my phone. and i haven got my line back. so anyone who wanna contact mi contact mi at this temporary number ah.

91965754. =)

loves.

2006-12-22T00:49:00.000+08:00

baby. i need u. please please dun leave mi.

2006-12-17T00:32:00.000+08:00

today is words only day! =p

sentosa.
burnt.
cineleisure peeps.
darling.
tired.
holidays!
xmas.
loves...

2006-12-15T10:32:00.000+08:00

feat. T.I.

Ain't another woman that can take your spot my-

If I wrote you a symphony,
Just to say how much you mean to me (what would you do?)
If I told you you were beautiful
Would you date me on the regular (tell me, would you?)
Well, baby I've been around the world
But I ain't seen myself another girl (like you)
This ring here represents my heart
But there's just one thing I need from you (say "I do")

[Chorus:]Yeah, becauseI can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand
I can see us on the countryside
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side
You could be my baby, let me make you my lady
Girl, you amaze meAin't gotta do nothing crazy
See, all I want you to do is be my love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love

Ooooh, girl
My love
My love

Now, if I wrote you a love note
And made you smile with every word I wrote (what would you do?)
Would that make you want to change your scene
And wanna be the one on my team (tell me, would you?)
See, what's the point of waiting anymore?
Cause girl I've never been more sure (that baby, it's you)
This ring here represents my heart
And everything that you've been waiting for (just say "I do")

[Chorus:]Yeah, becauseI can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand
I can see us on the countryside
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side
You could be my baby, let me make you my lady
Girl, you amaze me
Ain't gotta do nothing crazy
See, all I want you to do is be my love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love
(So don't give away) My love(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love

Ooooh, girl
My love
My love

[T.I.'s rap:]Alright it's time to get it JTI don't know why she hesitates for man
Shorty, cool as a fan
On the new once again
But, still has fan from Peru to Japan
Listen baby, I don't wanna ruin your plan
If you got a man, try to lose him if you can
Cause the girls worldwide throw their hands up high
When they wanna come kick it wit a stand up guy(Trust me)
You don't really wanna let the chance go by'cause you ain't been seen wit a man so fly
Baby friends so fly i can go fly
Private, cause I handle mine
T.I. they call me candle guy, simply because I am on fire
I hate to have to cancel my vacation so you can't deny
I'm patient, but I ain't gonna try
You don't come, I ain't gonna die
Hold up, what you mean, you can't go why?
Me and you boyfriend we ain't no tie
You say you wanna kick it when I ain't so high
Well, baby it's obvious that I ain't your guy
Ain't gon' lie, I feel your space
But forget your face, I swear I will
St. Barths, same bullet, anywhere I chill
Just bring wit me a pair, I will

[Chorus:]I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand
I can see us on the countryside
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side
You could be my baby, let me make you my lady
Girl, you amaze me
Ain't gotta do nothing crazy
See, all I want you to do is be my love(Love)
My love(Love)
My love(Love)
Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love(Love)
My love(Love)
My love(Love)
Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love

Ooooh, girl
My love
My love

Justin Timberlake "My Love"

i wish i would hear these words one day... that will make mi stop everything i do.

2006-12-15T08:25:00.000+08:00

baby where are you?
know this cry for u is just gonna be another echo...
just another disappointment.
this disappointment dead in my heart.
baby i need u.
and im missing u terribly.
independence i've got.
but i feel like im gonna lose u anyway.
i see ur back facing mi, walking away,
and i pulled myself back from running to you.
i wonder how's ur day.
those words u said left mi cold.
i wish u were here with mi.
baby.
dont leave.

finally got my subway fix ydae. went down to town with alex, keval, yu si, nas and daryl, bagpipes' president. was a pretty alright day ydae. watched movies in clubhouse. hahas. the guys were trying to make the girls scream and the girls were screaming like nuts. i mean we were watching thrillers lahs. like texas chainsaw massacre and saw 3. saw 3 is like dumb. though gruesome it wasnt exactly that scary. hahas. the funny thing is we started out with 4 peeps watching. den every 5 mins someone walk through the door they join the backseat. in the end i think we had almost 10 peeps watching. in saa too. wahahas.

gonna dye my hair soon. waiting my hairdressers ms alex and ms keval to get it done. hahas...

im praying that the messages i receive would be yours...

2006-12-12T02:21:00.000+08:00

first things first. i wanna thank my baby for being there for mi when i needed him the most. he even bought Ben & Jerry's strawberry cheesecake for mi to cheer mi up. thanks baby. u're the best.

well. lost the match today. words cant descibe how i feel now. this sense of guilt and loss. the days of our trainings, our matches. knowing that it wont be the same anymore after this intercons. i'll miss all of them. this sense of belonging, this bond that we all shared, this team that brought us all together. i feel so guilty. let mao mao and logan down. didnt meet their expectations today. and everythg was just wrong. i cried. the very first time i felt so guilty. this had meant alot to me. this team...

2006-12-11T12:01:00.000+08:00

ok im pissed off with friendster, blogger, and Live Journal alright? like cant they just dun change anything and leave things as it is. sometimes, the old way is better. beta this beta that. i understand improvement is good but not when it gets user-unfriendly. and friendster just have to kah-chiau with our layouts sia. hmmph.

well today's the semi already. for bball and capt's ball. pretty worried. and im slacking at hm now. lol. skipped ipra tutorial. it's like a total waste of time. everyone else is at hm slacking too i guess. ahahs. poor andrew!

2006-12-09T02:10:00.000+08:00

u noe who u r: shutup. i dun need a lecture from u. just because u're my best fren of 5 yrs means i got to meet u whenever u're back? hello who left us in the first place. mayb things wont turn out this way. u say i changed... havent u? dun give mi the crap. i dun need it.

anyway had capt's ball trg today. didnt go for FO weekend outdoor activity meeting. apparently trg is so much more impt. i mean semis are on monday already, against sports club, and they arent an easy team. mao mao taught mi really useful stuff today. hope i can rmb them all and put them to use on the day itself. u noe how i always get so awfully nervous that everything just go terribly wrong. hahas. but i think this time round im gonna make it alright. hahas!

darling cut his hair! looks weird but still damn good. hahas. and he cooked for mi today after trg. was really really sweet of him. i love him so much. but darling... hope u dun get angry over that k? heehee.

im hungry again.

2006-12-09T01:54:00.000+08:00

pictures from long before! when the times were still so bloody brilliant and awesome.

timmy's bdae. from long ago too. hahas.

us. miss those roars and meows days.

the cake!

2006-12-08T02:07:00.000+08:00

being with you is all i ever want.
just thinking of you alone keeps me contented.
but are you happy?
being with me?
i can tell you are not.
seeing you happy is enough.
keeping you by my side is an incentive.
i'd love to keep you by my side.
by am i worth it?
i cant even achieve the basics of being a girlfriend.
making you angry seems like the only thing i ever do.
im such a failure.
no matter how hard i try we'll end up quarrelling somehow.
am i worth this trouble.
darling,
i would do everything i can to keep you happy,
even if it means leaving you.

im sorry.

pretty busy nowadays. dont even have the time for my precious darling. felt so horrible ydae. i cant reverse time. and it hurts regretting, and knowing i cant do anything to make it up for it. sometimes i feel like giving up this life i have, this life that i have lead with such failure. maiking everyone unhappy, and nothing seems to go right. how long can i last, i dunno...

2006-12-06T04:12:00.000+08:00

darling, if ure reading this, please dun leave mi. i really love u with all my heart. i seriously appreciate everythg, every little thing that u did for mi. please please dun love mi darling. everythg was going so well just now. why did it turn so sour? please darling.

2006-12-06T00:37:00.000+08:00

the night is long for me tonight.
this night of yours and mine.
u werent here when i needed u.
my heart ached for u,
and my mind sceamed your name.
u asked what's wrong.
and i put up a brave front
just for u to hear.
to give this energy for u to last the night.
this loneliness i felt,
this emotion over mi,
i feel so alone suddenly.
and it didnt help with my mom screaming at mi.
where r u?
hot and wet my face felt,
the tears that ran freely.
u said u love mi,
and i believe u so.
this love i feel for u so intense.
tonight showed mi things,
things that are important to mi.
things that i have taken for granted.
and things i cherish when it was lost tonight.
i wished u were here by my side,
but u were out having fun.
what could i do?
stopping u is suicidal.
taking it out on u wouldnt help.
it would just spoil everything for u.
forcefully i made u go have fun.
seems like everything was alright.
u said thanks and then u were gone.
gone into this night,
that would have been yours and mine.

sorry for being this emotional. i just needed somewhere to pur this build-up of emotions as the time passes. darling if u're reading this, i noe i'll be ok by tmr so dun worry abt it. i still love u.

suddenly i feel this immense surge of love for DMC 01, girls only. strong and united we are together. the boys can shoo of and howl.

2006-12-03T16:33:00.000+08:00

2006-12-01T05:44:00.000+08:00

i read your blog darling. im sorry. i guess im a failure as ur girlfriend. i really wish that u could forget the past and lead a new life with mi. im trying to change. im trying really hard. i wanna make u happy, coz i really love seeing u happy. im scared. scared that one day u might just walk out on mi just like that. not that im saying i dun believe u or anything, but like u said,ure human, anything can happen. all i really want to say is that i love u with all my heart, and i'l nvr let u go. until the day all i see is the back of ur head.

stay with mi.
please.

there's this voidness in my heart. this loneliness i cant explain.

2006-11-17T00:14:00.000+08:00

so. alex is complaining that i never update(which is true). im so sorry. lol. things been pretty hectic. elearning and mst week. and got HU bazaar to help out with. and of coz spending time with my beloved "daddy"--> my renamed darling, lol, coz he'll be my hai zi de pa. spastic i noe. =p

so HU's this week. guess it's pretty cock up. hais. alot of logistics not well done and i guess it wasnt really well prepared in the sense that it was held during mst week which is the second worst thing to do other than putting it on elearning week of coz. and the proceed side im pretty pissed at but i cant say. pretty confidential and im not a committee member to say such stuff. since it is a charity bazaar. the dunking machine aso very waste only loh. not much publicity. hais. and darling got tortured today on it. hais. he's pretty fired up about what happened today and all the recent events abt union and seriously, i kinda converted. i used to argue with him abt all these political stuff abt union but i guess i see more clearly now le. agree more with daddy now... hais.

he's quite busy with alot of school projects now too. gonna see less of him i guess. i miss him loads. stuff happened and i guess im less paranoid le bahs. and he's always making mi happy with lil surprises. thanks darling! im really happy beyond words. =)

well projects coming up for mi too and im gonna die.... and parties coming up too. yippee! mad's in sg to so will be spending time with her too. so yeap... im off.

2006-10-30T09:20:00.000+08:00

things been going well. feel really nice with darling around. lol. warm and fuzzy feeling u noe? wahahas. well, hope he feels the same. =p been really busy recently. hmmm i aso dunno wad to blog today sia. unless u wanna hear mi gush abt my darling. lol.

still, i love my darling loads. sorry i cant help but gush abt him. coz he's my everything.

liberation @ mos 26 Nov
xXx(name unknown, lol.) @ mos 5 dec
contact mi for tix. =)

2006-10-26T00:27:00.000+08:00

-misunderstandings .

-miscommunication.

those are the words that almost caused mi my darling. and i really regret that. hais. im really sorry to him though. was a wrong time for mi too. cried in my bed. and slept at 5 onli to wake up at 7. hais. i really love him. and i guess we solved whatever happened already. was such a horrendously long day today. he was practically a walking zombie. hais. thank god he's back. and i shall treasure him lots more than before.

oh and the dance's doing awesome. lol.

2006-10-23T10:01:00.000+08:00

hmmm i'm in class now. yet again. one week has passed. and loads of stuff happen(naturally). with my darling around there so much love and happiness in the air. im loving him more and more everyday. but the politics going around. making mi sick. i hate politics so much!

well Storyfest's coming up real soon. it's this DMC thingy. to promote our course. and we're doing a dance for the event. and the opening act at that! lol how awesome right? hahas. we're not very much prepared but the dance will be damn nice. coz netty got her friend to help choreograph which a superb dancer sia. lol. so exciting.

and dj classes are gonna start soon! DJ rattle came in that day to give us a workshop, a brief intro on turntablism and stuff. friggin cool. cant wait to start learning!!! hahas. so exciting sia. gonna have oodles of fun there. woots.

and gonna have an event coming up soon. not sure when. supposedly to have a meeting today though. weird. and inter-cons coming up and there's captain's ball trainings and guys' bball training to attend and there's so much else to do. 24 hours a day is definitely no enough. lol. still got to spend quality time with my darling. lol quoted from darling. lol. love my darling so much. sweet.

peace out now. lecturer gonna take over my screen soon.

2006-10-17T01:09:00.000+08:00

well. many stuff happened today. really between mi and darling stuff. i wanna change for him eh. be less hot-tempered. coz i always say stuff that'll hurt him. and i love him loads and i dowan him to be upset. but i guess we pretty much solved our probs i guess. and noe how much we really feel abt each other. hais.

no words can ever, ever descibe the love i feel for u dear.

2006-10-16T11:35:00.000+08:00

woots. im back for this week. lol...

had an awesome weekend. all thanks to my darling. he did so much for mi. thanks darling!

went to meet darling on sat at cck. den chilled around. went to lot 1 for dinner and i ponned work. lol. saw this really nice necklace and dar wanted to buy for mi. declined though. lol. dowan waste money ah. and say dragon's beard and popiah candy too. but didnt buy either. den went to the park to talk talk. talk abt alot of stuff lahs. guess we know each other better le.

sun was practically my happiest day of my life. lol went to work in the morning. den ended at 5. den darling lied to mi say he at hm doing his model. actually he at mph waiting for mi to end work sia. den when i walked out the door he was trailing behind mi and talking to mi on the phone lahs. and i was oblivious to his presence. hahas. damn funny. den he decided to tell mi to look to the left. and i couldnt hear clearly. hahas. den i heard his voice next to mi and i started whacking him. i really damn happy lahs. sorry dear i noe it hurts for mi to hit u. lol. but i was super surprised lahs. was awfully happy. he bought the dragon's beard and popiah candy and the necklace for mi sia. hahas. my dear really very nice to mi. sobsob. den we went to ms to eat carls jr. not very nice i must say. went to esplanade to talk smre. and dar kept irritating mi. lol. really mean sia. well. i must say i really love my dear loads and loads and loads.

2006-10-13T09:09:00.000+08:00

damn it. in class now and i was trying to enter friendster. den i realised i got hacked. and apparently, onli 1 person would do that. that would be the same person who hack my email acct too. and that shithole would be fcker alex lee yong xiang ok. ccb juz because he cant take the shock that i got a new guy he purposely liddat loh. i mean cant he be a man and stand up and take a break up. is like stupid can. he even threatened to commit suicide lahs. den now do all this fcked up stuff. kaos.

anyway to all my beloved darlings, i got a temporary mail. just temporary though. erms atsilac_@hotmail.com. thks all.

oh and i love my darling. lol.

2006-10-03T23:26:00.000+08:00

im sorry. words alone cant express wadeva im feeling now. im so sorry. for u i cried when i saw ur blog coz it evoked those beautiful memories. im so sorry. i didnt think before i said stuff and causing u the hurt u are feeling. do u think im having a great time watching suffer? it pains mi alot too. i dunno wad got into my head that day coz i dun mean it.

please.
please.
please forgive mi.

2006-10-03T22:50:00.000+08:00

awesome stuff today. was in the dms(digital media studio) and we were playing roles as personnels in the tv studio. damn cool. we all rotated lahs. director, cameraman, floor manager, etc... the works. had real fun in there today! tuesdays (and wednesdays) rock.

at tcc that day!

pretty stuff.

sinful.

delightfully sinful.

i feel fat already.

uh oh. no more...i was meant for great things...
like taking this awesome pict!

timmy's bdae today! had lotsa cakes. glad that he was happy. hahas. roars and meows!! pictures another time bahs. my bed is calling out to mi.

2006-09-29T00:21:00.000+08:00

this blog is so bloody stagnant that there are mosquitoes breeding in here already. but i think got butterflies too ah. lol.

well been a pretty hectic week. sch started and im seriously tired like hell. really thank ICE alot. i have like super loads of friends now when i go down clubhouse and walk around sch saying hi to ppl. lol. really nice. den found a bunch of bball khakis.
angelaelainekellypengyu
they are always there itching to play ball aso lahs. along with benjy, alex, timmy, zai and shannon.

went out frequent too... with justin, with peng yu, haven really spend time with my trios sia. will try to dedicate my time more to the **roars and meows** k??

ASA(anime screening alumni) rocks.
roars and meows rocks.
calista and trio rocks.
and sch(and timetable) sux.

2006-09-21T01:04:00.000+08:00

i juz realised that i still care alot of him. alot alot. tears flowed once again tonight for him. countless times i have. but there's nth i can do abt it now. i didnt treasure him as much i shld have coz i didnt see the weakness he has for the poison in his fren's mouths. i miss him loads. miss those days where we would laugh over breakfast. miss those days where i'll meet him at union and the comfortable silence between us. i miss reading stuff abt myself on his blog. reading his previous posts now hurts. damn it. why did it turn out this way, that he cant even talk to mi with his frenz around. i hate em ok. fck it i hate em lots. hais. and i miss him alot.

work's fine too.

2006-09-17T14:35:00.000+08:00

i think i juz killed myself faster. went sheesha the night before with mad, yvonne, alex, and gaffar. ww was supposedly to meet us there but apparently she dua kang again. well i found that sheesha is equivilent to 18 cigs lahs. wth. lol...

and mad left le. so empty without her suddenly. hais. she really is my best fren sia. lol...

hais. thgs are really getting cloudy again. i dunno wad's up with everyone ard mi. am i really that nice to bully? and take advantage of. hais.

2006-09-15T14:36:00.000+08:00

hey im back. lol. ICE was awesome!!!! im practically in love with my group. seriously, i think without the support and fun they gave mi, ice would not be the same. coz the organisation was horrid. but nvm we shant talk abt that.

werewolves!! my beloved group name. we were practically the best group there was. we were all gushing with enthusiasm. though we were always the last to gather, we were still the best. as they trevor likes to say, save the best for the last. hahas. wherever we go we would be singing camp songs. we were really a bunch of united hard gay fanatics. (inside joke. hahas.) im really thankful. coz at first i was in pegasons. luckily i was pulled to werewolves. hahas. at first tot it would be very boring at werewolves. but thank god it was awesome. lol. made my ice camp experience a memorable one.

played ice breaking games on first day. made a really nice flag that i deem the nicest of all the groups. blehs. but really it was the effort of everyone. hahas. den played station games. got wet sia. actually we practically got wet for every game except for last day. lol.
second day was amazing race at sentosa. the gps loved us loh. lol. we were like having so much fun sia. hahas. i really really love werewolves. den went back to sch for more games. played the flag game thingy again. which was a really dumb and boring game. hahas. my grp was like slacking and walking from one territory to another. lol. but we had fun slacking too.
third day. water games. awesome fun once again. aiyo everythg with my group is fun lahs. lol. the water captain's ball was awesome. we won pegasons like 8 to 1 sia. hahas. great job guys. =)
last day was telematch. screw telematch sia. wad kind of telematch waits for every grp to come den we start de. dat's why i say stupid organisation. but our group still managed to come first in every match. lol. =)

breaking of camp was fun. sad and a lot of mixed emotions. made alot of frenz during ice. went hyper like siao too. hmmm but i guess the memories will last. =)

calistasamanthaeileenyupingtrevorzaidcheehengdanielweimingedmundsharleen

2006-09-06T00:25:00.000+08:00

lol im so much alive today. took a short nap in the afternoon after work.

today was freaking crazy at gelare. total warzone lahs. lunch had like 8 orders of sandwiches coming in and i was like doing them like mad. thank god for bella or else those peeps wld nvr had gotten their food. lol. den around mid afternoon came the frantics of waffles day. i was doing cashier thank goodness and it was crazy sia. lol... damn tiring. hahas.

ydae alex, keval, daryl, max and charis came by... den i juz nice knock off.. so went to dinner with em. and walk around esplanade. saw mr quek doing performance so nvr disturb him. he sang really well. guess he came a really long way. den we went to get famous amos cookies. 5 diff types. lol coz they had $20 voucher. so 100gm each. damn nice. the double choc chip and pecan was named after keval. hahas. coz they same colour. hahas. so damn funny. and they kept disturbing each other abt their ex gfs etc. really a bunch of lamers.

hmmm oh and thanks man. for coming to tpy to have breakfast with mi. our first "date". roars.

2006-09-03T01:11:00.000+08:00

camp was awesome man. simply awesome. im truly loving it. got alot closer to the ppl in my batch. and really learnt alot more abt union and leadership. had awesome fun. =) and the year 3s were awesome! shoutouts to Q, nizam, alex, keval and farhan. casper was really nice too loh.

went to play pool after camp with benjy, zai, tim, alex, keval. max and suzhen were there too. den went to marina south to eat with the 4 guys. zai didnt coz wasnt halal. lol. sad. talked abt alot of stuff there. and alex was really nice to help mi carry my heavy bag. coz he wasnt carrying anything anyway other than his laptop. and he self-proclaimed himself to be my bf. lol. damn stupid. had loads of fun there too. took the train with alex and tim. den we were drinking the big bottle green tea. tim drank first den mi den alex. when alex drank it he turned and said, "i accidentally kissed u lehs how eh?" den i told him...i didnt even touch the bottle. lol his face turn white sia. lol den he turned to tim den tim stick his tongue out in the licking manner. damn funny sia. couldnt stop laughing. hahas.

went to bed at 3 last night. den woke up at 3 today. that was how shag i was. i woke up even feeling tired lahs. hahas. den went to work. and alex and keval came to find mi! how sweet of em right? esp it was so coincidental that i juz started on my break. so went to subway to eat. had laughs. of coz. around them will nvr have a serious moment de. den went back to work. den benjy and tim came to visit. lol. got a shock when i came out of the kitchen to see them sitting there. lol... i have such awesome friends. hahas. and i served them. lol. damn funny.

well feel lonely as in the sense of love lahs. hahas. but i still love em all. my beloved spsu guys i mean. who has always been there for mi. =)

2006-08-29T01:04:00.000+08:00

i think i think too much. was waiting for the bus this morning to go to work. den my mind was like running through a lot of stuff. from the havanas to crumplers bags to le coq sportif bags. den felt terribly emo. hais. im so confused. i dunno if i really made the right choice. besides, i dunno wad i feel abt lbxx either. so doesnt matter anyway.

so i went to work. and today i tried my hand at making the waffle cones. this is how is turned out:

the first try is like on the left and so on. so look how much improvement i had. lol. so cool. so nice... but it all went into the tub for future crushed cones. hahas. well anyway today was a slacky day. very few customers. and tmr's tuesday and it's waffles day. and im not going. yays! coz there's a camp at sch... leadership training camp. lol. hope it'll be fun. and got selected to go for ice camp too. lol. got to take leave again sia. screwed.

2006-08-23T23:14:00.000+08:00

awesome day today. i learnt much stuff today. love joan and bella lahs. erms my district area manager and supervisor. and samuel. asst manager. lol. they are so nice!!! lol. did the waffles batter today. 2 galleons of it. omg my arms are suffering for it now. second galleon did it single handedly. and joan was like scared i made it wrongly. coz it was damn smooth and watery. lol. den she took a scoop and try to make the waffle. and it came out fantastic. hahas. she say i make until too smooth le. wahahas. achievement. samuel say i so strong sia. lol. and we ate the waffles. delicious. hahas. den joan ask mi try the roast chick. coz she say nice. lol. she was with mi in the kitchen the whole morn lahs. preparing for the gourmet station. she damn zai in the chopping and everythg. lol. and i learn so much too. the coffee counter and gourmet station. so many diff recipe. lol. and the stock came. lucky came at 5. den i zao after the ice cream all packed in. lol. i <3 gelare citylink. lOl.

met the trios today and went for dinner. was abit grumpy at first den after that turn to madness. lol went to play pool.

erms will stop here bahs. my bed is calling out to mi. =)

after reading his blog i dunno wad to feel. a part of mi felt as if i did it juz to cover up. and i feel miserable now. dunno if i did the right thg. to let him go. hais. guess wad's done been done and i have to look forward to the future. and i still miss him. both. im such a sucker.

2006-08-23T00:43:00.000+08:00

few words to describe work:

*tiring.
*fun.
*waffles day.
*clearing plates.
*washing up.
*tiring!!

lol.

well guess things between mi and juzt are more or less settled. no bad feelings or wadsoever. gonna miss him loads though. wish him well. and...

im gonna sleep.

wheez.

2006-08-22T11:14:00.000+08:00

today's first day of work. and my mom agreed to send mi to work. yays. lol. but i got a bad feeling abt this. i think she gonna be late. she's not changed yet... lol and she everytime damn gao tu wan. hahas. im so sleepy...

wish mi luck peeps. =)

2006-08-21T13:24:00.000+08:00

heehee. something awfully good happened to mi last night. something better than the last few days. hahas. really made my day and i guess im not as troubled anymore. it's all fated i guess. if i hadnt stayed up to watch inuyasha this wouldnt have happened. or if i went to bed earlier. lol. im really very over the moon i guess. hahas. cause i have been thinking that it isnt possible for a few days already and suddenly this happened. hahas. god im dying here. lol.

gonna start work tmr le. hope everything will be ok. gonna buy pants later. yippee..

- will u still love mi in the morning?

events coming up:
1 september --> beach party at sentosa, 6pm - 6 am
26 november --> mos underage party

2006-08-20T23:51:00.000+08:00

yays. juz found out from ivan chang that there's gonna be a underage party at mos on 26 nov. finally! lol been waiting for this really long. well im a good citizen. dun go chiong in with fake ids or such. lol. not criticizing anyone though. it's juz that i cant. hahas. gonna get my babes with mi and dance... whee... dance all thru the night. heehee. still a long long time. hahas.

anyway went to watch click today. nice and touching show but really dumb and cliche storyline but put in such a way that it wasnt. lol.

so i'll juz leave coz im too lazy to type. heehee. dancing!!

2006-08-19T23:04:00.000+08:00

well i think im a lucky girl. with few but quality frens who are willing to be here for mi when i need them. thanks ppl, mainly: benjy, alex, zai, timmy, marcus wong, jeremy and yvonne. thanks hotties. u rock my world.

anyway slept the most of today away. skipped breakfast and lunch. den went to Raffles Town club with my fam for dinner and movie. movie was one i nvr watched before... The Wedding. it's awfully sweet though. really nice story.

felt real crappy ydae. went to pasir ris to play ball but had plenty of things on my mind. guess the things i felt before abt him were all base-less. it was all play for him. nth serious at all. i feel so crappy. wonder how im gonna get my life back into one completed picture again. =(

anyway, i'd be starting work at gelare on tuesday at citylink mall. yays. please come visit mi. heehee. =)

2006-08-18T02:18:00.001+08:00

(taken from shannon's blog which i think is very sweet and true)

*~Leaf's departure is because of Wind pursuit...~*

Tree
===

The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees.
Overtime I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting.
I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U.
There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her.
She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary gal.
I like her. I really like her.
Like her innocent, like her frankness.
Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility.
Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me.
I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish.
I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her.
I felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her.
The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years.
She watch me chase after gals, and I have make her heart cry for 3 years.
She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director.
When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us.
She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" before running off.
The next day, her eyes was swollen like a walnut.
I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day. When everybody go back home, she was alone crying in the classroom.
She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something.
I watch her cry for an hour or so.
My 4th girlfriend didn't like her.
There was once when both of them quarreled.
I know that based on her character she's not the type that will start off the quarrel.
But I still sided with my girlfriend.
I shouted at her and her eyes was filled shocked.
I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend.
The next day, she still laugh & joke with me like nothing has ever happened.
I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ache is as bad as hers.
When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out.
After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her.
She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too.
I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together.
I know whose the guy.
He has been going after her for quite a while.
A very cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting.
His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school.
I can't show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her.
When I reach home, the heart ache is so strong that I can't stand it.
It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest.
I couldn't breath.
Wanted to shout but can't.
Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry.
How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too. During graduation, I read a sms in my hp.
It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry.
I haven't read it since then.
It says "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit.
Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"

Leaf
===

During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why?
Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage.
During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy.
Not BGR kind but as buddy kind.
But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon.
It's like 100 rotten sour lemon.
Sourness to the extreme limit.
They were only together for 2 mths.
When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness.
But after a mth, he got together with another gal.
I like him & I know he like me.
But why won't he pursue me?
Since he love me why he doesn't want to make the first move?
Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt.
Time after time, my heart was hurt.
I begin to suspect that this is a one sided love.
If he don't like he, why does he treat me so well.
It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend.
Liking a person is very heart wrenching.
I can know his likes, his habits.
But his feelings towards me I can never figure out.
You can't expect me a gal to ask him right?
Despite that, I still want to be by his side.
Care for him, accompany him, love him.
Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me.
It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms.
I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me.
Because of this, I waited for him.
The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want to give up.
Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting.
The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompany me for 3 years.
Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me.
Everyday he pursuit me relentlessly.
From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart.
He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree.
In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small footing in my heart.
I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave to afar away & better land.
Finally I left tree, but the tree only smiled & didn't ask me to stay.
Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit.
Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay

Wind
====

Because I like a gal called leaf.
Because she's so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust wind.
A wind that will blow her away.
When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transfered to the new school.
I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer.
During ECA time, she will always be sitting there.
Be it alone or with her friends looking at him.
When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes.
When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes.
Looking at her became my habit.
Just like she likes to look at him.
One day, she didn't appear.
I felt something amissed.
I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness.
The senior was also not there as well.
I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her.
Tears were in her eyes while he left.
The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him.
I walked over and smiled to her.
Took out a note & gave to her.
She was surprised.
She looked at me, smiled & accept the note.
The next day, she appeared & pass me a note and left.
Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away
It's not that leaf heart is too heavy.
It's because leaf never want to leave tree
I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls.
I know that the person she loves is not me.
But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me.
Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times.
Every time, she will divert away from the topic.
But I never give up.
If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over.
I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her.
Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope.
Hoping that she will agree to me my girlfriend.
I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone.
I asked "what are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?"
She said, "I'm nodding my head".
"Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears.
"I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly.
I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place &
press her door bell.
During the moment when she opens the door.
I hugged her tightly.
Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit.
Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay???

2006-08-18T02:18:00.000+08:00

crappy crappy crappy!!! im still studying for tmr's paper lahs. almost there though. craps.

well. im so terribly confused now. i dunno wad to think or feel. im so afraid that i fall into another trap again. well not exactly like a trap but juz like...that it's not gonna be what im feeling right now. i dunno wad the things he say mean. i really hope they are not false alarms though. crappy. and im totally going crazy lahs. over lbxx. im thinking of him like all the time now. dunno why sia. STRESSED!!! lol. and im thinking too much. hais. wad am i gonna do. thank goodness tmr's last paper den i can think all i wan to without worrying. heehee...

well if you're reading this... juz so u'll noe bahs. =)

2006-08-17T11:46:00.000+08:00

Winter - Bayside

When Winter falls next year, I'll be holding on
To anything nailed down
As for being patient with fate and all,
it's getting old. And my mind is slowly changing
I'm calling all my oldest friends,
saying "sorry for this mess we're in,"
and I'm waiting, waiting...
For the Sun to come and melt this snow,
wash away the pain, and give me back control, control.

An angel got his wings,
and we'll hold our heads up knowing that he's fine.
We'd all be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime.

Should we still set his plate?
Should we still save his chair?
Should we still buy him gifts?
And if we don't, did we not care?
It makes you think about the life you've led,
shit you've done, the things you've said.
And it's grounding, grounding.

I've been feeling three feet tall this month,
hardly indestructible.
But the snow melts, and the rhythm still goes on.

An angel got his wings,
and we'll hold our heads up knowing that he's fine.
We'd all be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime.

Friends stay side by side,
in life and death you've always stole my heart,
you'll always mean so much to me, it's hard to believe this

These nights in vans,
these nights in bars,
don't mean a thing with empty hearts, with empty hearts.

An angel got his wings,
and we'll hold our heads up knowing that he's fine.
We'd all be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime.

Friends stay side by side,
in life and death you've always stole my heart,
you've always meant so much to me, it's hard to believe
So much to me, it's hard to believe
So much to me, it's hard to believe this.

got introduced to this song by jannah. was listening to it juz now. and i teared. i tot i was numbed from the pain already. but... i still cried. guess i still do miss him. but whatever. it's over.

2006-08-16T23:34:00.000+08:00

crappy. all i'm feeling now is crappy. im so lost. though he's always been there... i took for granted. now he's gone and i feel crappy. all because of some stupid reason. hais. i guess im not as upset as i shld be. numbed i'll call it. but hey i got u guys... =)

anyway went to study with zai, benjy and his classmate today at amk mos... nth special hpned though. boring day today. hais...

and...many other things happened though. kinda confidential right now. so... *zips* heehee. hope it'll turn out good..

yays. tmr's wilbur pan's concert at SP. yayness. gonna help out. =)

2006-08-15T22:43:00.000+08:00

lol oh and i watched the lake house juz now with mervyn, though i promised butterfly that i'll go with him. crap. i dun mind going again though. the show's freaking nice!!!the ending so sweet. damn damn nice!!! lol. im mad.

2006-08-15T21:11:00.000+08:00

i've decided. this is my life and im gonna live it. im not gonna live by the eyes of others anymore. well at least im trying to. to those who dont like mi or have a bad impression of mi or smth, im not gonna care anymore. like zai said, i'd be juz running away. and it'd be bad for my image. that'd be soooo much worse. heehee. im gonna stay and have fun and do my part well. that's all....

fom today was crap. it was alright but i hope i answered correctly though. hahas. icp's on friday. gonna mug later...

lbxx's cute. heehee... crap im going crazy. like wth.

2006-08-14T00:49:00.000+08:00

erms i'm back. =( read some stuff i guess i shldnt have read. i guess im a bad person. im mean. im a total bitch. and now everyone hates mi. i guess after friday's episode it's all over for mi? well not that i didnt expect it. was already contemplating to leave union. i juz screwed up my poly life. crap.

2006-08-14T00:25:00.000+08:00

hmmm. it got mi thinking. does love mostly revolve around lust? the way i see it, guys are always looking at that in a girl. i guess it has been like this since the start of mankind, and its not gonna change for another lightyear or smth.

still... good things still happen to mi. =)

hahas. well i think "la bi xiao xing"(lbxx) (understooded by onli dilys, big jo and janice.) is super super cute. hahas. talked to him recently and he's really funny. really nice too. like finally after a month or so from ever since the OC presentation i finally get to noe him. hahas. like after many times of mi searching of him in the crowds of the canteen. lol. no offence to butterfly though, if u're reading this. im still very much here.

well lbxx is like short. hahas. shorter than mi. damn sad lahs. but wth. shorties are hwatt. hahas.

damn gotta go back sch tmr to go return lib book coz it's due tmr. hais. so im studying till like 5 den go. damn sianz. and im so screwed for fom... like im barely there yet. crap. hope tmr would be productive.

well ciaos. off to mug again.

2006-08-12T01:53:00.000+08:00

i feel empty. trying to reach u on the phone but u're not there. turned off ur phone or smth. juz wanna let u know... i still need u.

2006-08-12T00:36:00.000+08:00

those words stung. there i am standing alone... waiting for u to come. but u never showed up. all i saw was the image of ur back...

i guess today was a bad day... it all started wrongly. things werent being able to print and messed up horribly... had a freaking late lunch. almost got into a state of gastric... den was supposed to go watch awesome fireworks with union ppl... but guessed wad. we got seperated into 3 groups. mi with yvonne and liyana(not union), benjy, zai and tim another... dent the seniors in one grp.

i guess it was partly my fault... i was too hot headed. but YOU knew that i was afraid of being alone. YOU knew that i couldnt be anywhere myself. i was afraid. i didnt know how to get to funan. u guys were already at the bridge when i was at the other end of the esplanade. would u guys stop and wait for mi? i was really pissed off. did u guys cared if i was dead or alive? would u have tried to keep calling mi if i didnt call u guys? i need to know my importance in this world. i feel so wasted.

so now u're pissed off at mi. im not gonna apologise for smth i think that is not my fault. i apologise for too many thgs that aint my fault already. u said those stuff that really hurt mi. does it mean that this is it? does it mean u never really really ever cared in the first place? i dunno... u said that u tot i was with benjy and co.. but did u even check. i know i would have, coz i care too much. i would have asked to double checked. and u said u were focus and into details. i hate liars. r u one? asking u to come for the fireworks was to have u stand by mi as we watch those beautiful sparks fly and explode in the sky into art that onli science could ever achieve. but as i stood in the crowd and watch those fireworks, i felt alone. i felt cold. where were u? and not long after, u made mi felt like my existence was merely a stranger in passing. is that all i am? i really need to know. i need assurances juz like u do. i need care and concern from u. ad most importantly, i need u to understand mi...

i juz messed up my life today. i juz didnt know there were so many ppl there with u. could i go?

2006-08-11T16:32:00.000+08:00

it's now 4.30 already and im in sch waiting... and i hate ppl lying to me. im cold. im starving. totally famished. and i need food before i really go real lethargic and pass out. damn it. hais why...

i think im weak too. cant i go to the foodcourt myself? i guess it's juz the way i am. cant even save myself. hais. i wann die le. im so absolutely hungry.

gonna watch fireworks later. pray that nth goes wrong. or else i might really juz blow. hais.

waiting forever... hais.

i noe u are busy. im sorry for this entry. but i really need to have smre to scream at or else my hunger's gonna turn mi into a monster.

2006-08-10T01:35:00.000+08:00

i love fireworks... but i nvr seem to catch them live on National Day (other than on TV), sadly...

met up with ppl from union namely:
benjamin,
timothy,
zai junior,
alex,
zai senior,
and keval...

met up with alex at tpy interchange to take 31 to kallang mrt stn. went to catch the fly past dere lahs. pretty lame i must say... i mean we were dere juz to catch a <1min fly past. hahas. but the planes were really awesome sia... pretty...

den after the fly past we went to esplanade to catch the fireworks. but first we made a detour to raffles city to makan. that was like already 7 smth. was waiting for zai senior coz he hungry. hais. den in the end we missed out on the fireworks display. like both of it. frigging sad... hais... den we tried our luck and still went to esplanade ( the bridge) there to see if there's the 9 o'clock display. sat ard for awhile den decided to leave... went to ask security if there were anymore fireworks... onli fri and sat left...

den went to town to play pool. we took so frigging long to decide on that. hahas. played a few games but played like crap. i really need to go brush up on my pool skills again.

well took a cab hm with alex from the 105 bus stop. coz we wanted to try our luck to see if there is any bus left. hahas. alex is dumb lahs. he doesnt noe how to read signs... more on that nxt time. im like frigging slpy coz i slept at 4 last night and was up quite early this morning...

well had fun ydae too. went to watch the team singapore fireworks display(thank god i caught those) with yvonne and liyana(ex-zhonghuarian too...) came and join us after that. erms went to buy some frappe and got an addition cup instead...

i noe my entry all very brief sia. i feel like im talking nonsense... hahas. i shall finally heed justin's advice from this afternoon to go slp. yays..

tatas..

i <3 fireworks.

2006-08-07T09:23:00.000+08:00

hey all. early morning now sia. it's like 9.18 in the morning. erms reached sch abt 8.30 to suppose have breakfast with juz. but since he got to rush his project i ended up in the lab with him. nvm. use free internet i aso song. damn. now got alot of ppl filling the lab. and i feel a little out of place. hais. im always like that. some sort of phobia.

hmmm and im freaking bored. that's why after like 45 mins on the com i decided to blog to take away my boredom. =)

anyway justin juz told mi abt this website with damn funny stuff in it. granted lame, it's bound to crack u up inside. it teaches u how to speak hokkien. hahas. go check it out... www.similaieh.blogspot.com

i guess things are pretty alright now after i decided to pick up the phone and call. so now i noe that things in life are nth but a phone call away. =)

ciaos.

ps yvonne: ring mi up okie? i have study break this week.
pps. let's all go watch fireworks this wed. HAPPY bdae Singapore!! yahoo...

2006-08-06T01:33:00.000+08:00

so talked to mad in the morn and had a little catch up with her. really miss her alot here. hais. if onli she was here things would be so much different.

went to regina's bdae bbq...that's tuan gf. he organised everythg for her de. so sweet sia. hahas. he blindfolded her loh. hahas. had fun. saw those that i needed to see from bishan. hahas. miss wei jie and antho and tuan... used to play with them alot de sia. hais. now everyone's so busy with their own stuff. had oreo cheesecake from mac cafe as last min bdae cake. damn nice. hahs. but so sinful.

hais tired. it's one hell of a day tonight.

goodnight and sweet dreams.

2006-08-06T00:37:00.000+08:00

so i guess today will mark the end of it all? u and mi?

i feel cheap after today. like im juz some thing that makes u happy and u throw it away in the end. i guess we'll nvr come out of it all anyway. short fuse? i know i have... but wad can i say? that's me. besides, my short fuse repairs itself by the next day. and i guess u still cant accept that. well i guess no point mi saying anythg. i will be deemed as despo. seriously, telling mi abt my temper = insulting mi and i dun care abt wad excuses u try to give. that's my temper.

so i shld keep everythg inside mi until i breakdown one day and do smth silly? and hide everythg? sorry i cant do that i'll go crazy. so why not i dun talk to u anymore then u can give ur thanks to god coz someone has stop pestering you. and then u can stop hearing all the shit i say to u.

i dun think i can live with u as my fren anymore. not after wad happen. not now anyway. t'll juz make it hurt more.

btw, go read wad ur previous entries to ur blog are... and tell mi... do u think i'll ever forget the way u felt? and the way we are living now?

2006-08-05T00:40:00.000+08:00

lol i juz formed a new club at sp on wed. student's poly union...and im the president. how cool's that. hahas.

anyway, skipped cc today. dun see the point of going since all she do is recaps and no one's listening. hahas... so went out with dilyss, janice and jolene. had a funny time in town. saw a cute guy on the bus and we were also gossiping abt "la bi xiao xing". hahas nicknamed after some guy in sch. damn farnie sia. walked far east... den went to taka shake leg at coffee bean...

went back to sch for fom lecture. and we drank absolut vodka. hahas. like pure. damn spicy sia. got red like after a few sips den merv was like laughing and taking picts of mi. so paiseh. i could feel my heartbeat going damn fast. hahas.

den went hm after lecture. have family dinner...

*i hope nth changes...*

2006-07-30T19:02:00.000+08:00

yeah yeah i noe my blog growing cobwebs for 1 mth le but im really sorry my dear readers esp my beloved yvonne. been pretty busy at sch as projects are dued this coming week and still got to take care of my sch event of anime screening in sch due this wed too. i promise to come for tom yum as soon as im done with all responsibilities k?

well anyway anime screening still got 100 tix left. hope on wed got at least 3/4 of the auitorium filled or else it would be damn horrible...

so. had great fun last night. went out with mervyn of dmc05 to esplanade to take picts. met up with him in the evening den we took some day shots. den left for marina sq as it was like opp. onli for dinner. thai express. but i got to say it was up to my expectations... i mean the rice was like so hard some some overnight and left there in the pot kind. den the tom yum coconut soup was so horrible though it was nice at first. it was too thick. den merv's fried rice took so long to come... wad a memorable first experience at thai express.

den we took a cab to the grand copthorne waterfront restaurant for some gig. merv's fren was like so weird but so cute. he was wearing a singapore air stewardess costume for his performance. den he had stockings and those net thingys on his hand. and his make-up was oh-so-pretty. lol den he walk (due to the restraints of the skirt) like a damn sexy lady lahs. hahas... kept laughing to myself esp when i saw him sitting cross legged at the chair. then the lead singer of the band had a freaking good voice. it was awesome. sounded pretty much like the gun and roses axl. damn good seh. den their performance was pretty screwed up coz not enough time for sound check. sometimes the vocal too soft sometimes cannot hear the guitar. but the performance was still damn awesome. =)

went back to explanade after that. shared haagen daz with merv... belgium chocolate and macadamia nut. the choco was heaven... so rich and ooo... hahas. damn orgasmic. lol. had pretty lots of laughs ydae. *i found out that merv's afriad of tickles!! lol i was like trying to tickle him and he was trying to trick mi into raising my hands. hahas. and he made my pink dog keychain into a rocker. hahas. he was like shaking the head up and down den the chain swung up and down like some rocker. damn cute lahs. i mean the dog. hahas. den made our way home coz we were both tired. merv had a gig at crescent girls earlier on that day.

reached tpy le almost reaching home den raymond msg mi ask mi to meet him at tpy central. so i took a bus down. thank god for buses. den slack around abit and made raymond bring mi dou feng around central... hahas. den he was like trying to do some stunts after that and hurt his ankle. the skin came off pretty much and there was loads of blood. and he tried to cut the skin with a nail cutter. eew...

well i think it's a long entry le so im off to do my project.

2006-06-26T10:13:00.000+08:00

lol now im back in sch... three weeks of holidays totally wasted juz like that. really sorry that i didnt update during the hols. hahas. but anyway, here's a quick update of the really really nice stuff that happened. lol.

18 june: mos party.

had a really lovely time there. i love the dancefloor sia. like i practically danced non-stop that day. hahas den danced with some guys. got cute one sia. den saw alot of sp ppl there. hahas den i dance so wild den so paiseh sia hahas. den raymond slping in the club loh. hahaha. damn funny loh. yvonne and sianghoon gave mi pressies too. two g-strings and card. the g-string smre pierre cardin one sia. lol. damn nice loh. one black one pink. hahahs...

21 jun: my bdae!!

went out with raymond the day before. went to town watch Silent Hill. the show damn dumb loh. no head no tail de. den aso it's more gory den horror lahs. hais. prefer a horror show loh. wasnt really wad i expected though. =) den after the show we walked aroung den went to far east take bus go back tpy. den meet darrel and talk cock. den we went makan. hahas den take picture of mi drinking milo den say i look like aunty. kaos. hahas den take pict with raymond den he become uncle tong aso. hahas.

den next day went to colour my hair. looks damn nice but damn lian and weird lahs. it's like purple turning pink now, ornage-gold, and red. hahas. but it's all highlighted. kinda nice loh. =)
den went to meet alex den go kbox sing song. hahas. den he bought a cheesecake for mi at 7-11. so bo xim but at leats he tried. hahas.

lol den i think it was thursday. went out with raymond, darrel, ronnie and yong xiang. all uncle tong's frens. lol. went makan and walk round town loh. damn funny lahs that day. saw monica, my pri schmate at cine. den i found out she knew raymond and gang sia. hahas so coincidental. den she came to join us after her frenz decided to leave. den we went to play pool. played two games with her and i won her. lol. but is tyco win de lahs. still... heehee. but she play aso quite good. i almost lost to her loh. but luckily she missed the black ball den i kio sai. hahas.

den ydae went to eat sakae with my family. the bill came up to a 100+ loh. hahas wad pigs we have in the family. =)

ps. i wanna thank justin so much for the presents esp the bag. <3

2006-06-06T13:17:00.000+08:00

damn damn damn. i hate e-learning... so damn lots of stuff to do sia. hais i wan die le... aargh!!! i dowan do le. hmmph.

2006-06-01T23:24:00.000+08:00

hais and we juz found out today that our cc teacher is leaving. like omfg. she is the best de loh. we use com den like nvr reply her when she ask questions she aso nvr scold or even say anthg abt closing loh. im so freaking sad. i'll miss her damn much. she's so adorable. always make funny faces for us to laugh at and aso teaches us in an interesting manner. sobs. but it's for her own good. lol. coz she gonna take up the position of editor at yahoo, for south east asia de. they pay better. hais. i'll take more picts with her tmr. =) =(

2006-06-01T12:15:00.000+08:00

in class now and im freaking bored. i shall make a pact with my readers. lol. i'll blog every mon, tues and thurs k. coz that's the time i have lab classes. lol.

now in creative comm. class kinda nice. juz finished with my dtp project this morning and i think my font's nice. lol.. shall find a way to upload coz it's currently in freehand mode. lol. i really love sch. kinda slack and fun. not a bit like secondary school... lol...

anyway supposed to "write" a mag article for fhm now. lol. damn funny sia. i think my lecturer rawks. damn i think my class rawks. hahas. juz now we keep singing bdae song for so many ppl one by one. hahas. den we watched the video of back domat boys singing BSB i want it that way. damn funny seh. den we begged our lecturer to watch korean madness too... that is really hilarious man. for more info go to www.youtube.com and search for korean madness. it's abt these 2 girls de. hahas...

sians i got a meeting for agm later at 5. and i end at 1. -.- zzz... see ya guys.

ps. hols start next week, so call mi out!!
pps. m.o.s 18 jun anybody? advance celebrations for my bdae. =p

2006-05-10T12:23:00.000+08:00

lol im really sorry to all those who have been "loyally" viewing my blog to noe wad's happening in my life... hahas but kinda of busy at sch loh. handling those projects and stuff... and union... i join union loh. spsu for short.... (pronounced as speesu...lol very dumb right)

still.... i miss my girls lot. den now been really busy at my workplace. rushing down to raffles place den go home at abt 10 is really crazy every day. and mr wei le wants us to get 200 points each week loh. or else forfeit den climb the stairs up to 22nd level and back down. which is really damn crazy lahs. i mean how can i handle sch work and projects and on top of it go down for lessons everyday... mr wei le can lahs but im not him loh. that's wad i really wanna emphasize. like he slps 4 hours a day but i cant survive with that lahs... i really gonna break down soon if this carries on... lol... ydae damn emo lahs. was really moody and everythg. show mr wilson attitude and im really sorry for that. hais.

i feeling like changin my url again. heehee... coz im in love with butterflies again these days... mayb change to smth with butterfly de. lol... =)

2006-03-20T12:23:00.002+08:00

hais i noe i haven been updating lately. but have been really really busy these few weeks. wake up onli get ready go work. den after that ten smth den come home. hais. by then im too tired to even move. hais... still, i love workin my job. but it has it's own ups and downs too.

goin to start sch soon le loh. hais. pretty scared. luckily raudhah in the same course as mi. heehee so i wont be alone for sch. =)

anyway i hate u for doin this to mi. cant u not ask...

2006-03-20T12:23:00.001+08:00

2006-03-02T13:01:00.000+08:00

ok gotta rush a fast one here. need to meet wilson godkor at my house void deck but i juz woke up and plop myself here.

anyway went to ton night the night before. was suppose to go down to pasir ris for wen xue bdae, one of my captain at rasa, but too bad in the end we didnt go down. den mi songvith raymond qi yang and jonathan. they riders at citylink mall dere de. den we waited for qi yang come down from tpy after his work den brought pizza from pizza hut for us. and chicken wings too. hahas i was like pigging out that night sia. den we rode to marina sq de 7-11 buy drinks. and i bought 1 carton of ice cream sia. but not the very big type one lahs. hahas. den rode to raffles place by the river dere and sit sit chat chat loh. songvith keep complaining that his tyre will punchek sia. hahas. but damn nice sia. the stars so nice. den we play blackjack and tai-ti. den got police sia. i scared like siao loh. coz i still haven exactly 17 but luckily the policemen nice sia. mohd shairul... hahas... i still rmb sia. he ask if our parents noe we out. hahas. den he ask us how we goin back den songvith sae after 6 take cab den save on midnight charges. so crappy sia. hahas. a really nice night sia. so many funny thgs happen. went to MS dere to ride ard loh. but left songvith at the river coz he wan slp. den we saw baboks sia. they wear until super sexy loh. go in front of them see their face can really vomit blood sia. hahas. den after that we juz ride ard den go eat prata den morning le sia. den mi and qi yang no bike den we take 57 go his house slp. den wait for songvith and and raymond to arrive. den we all slp like pig sia. hahas abt one den wake up. of coz i slp seperate bed from they all sia. i slp on the top bunk den they all share the bottom bunk. hahas. den after that went home le loh.

oh my i type so much in one chunk sia. sorry sorry. it muz have been very hard to read. =p

2006-03-01T15:57:00.000+08:00

NRIC : S8921653B
Name : TAN YU FENG
1. The results of your application are as follows:
Posted Institution : SINGAPORE POLYTECHNIC
Course Name : MEDIA AND COMMUNICATION
Course Code : S86

oh shit sia.
i wanted biomed so much.
hais. die le lahs.